EMPOWERING
CONVERSATIONS
There have been innumerable titles and catch phrases used to
describe effective communication.
However, regardless of the many ways to describe it, the goal of
effective communication…to create a connection and understanding, has never
changed. Effective communication is the
barrier that stands between being heard and acknowledged and feeling “stuck”
and powerless.
Allowing others to support their efforts while working
through transitions is critical to my coaching clients’ success. However, they are often challenged by their
inability to clearly state how and why that support is needed. As it turns out, VULNERABILITY is a key element in relationship dynamics. While it endears us to others, it’s often the
very thing that stops us from asking for help in the first place.
We tend to not
want to look vulnerable and yet we (particularly women) are immediately drawn
to protect, support and champion others whom we view as vulnerable. In fact, if we look at our deepest and most
meaningful relationships, vulnerability (at one point or another) always leads
to deeper bonding. Absent the
willingness to be vulnerable, relationships stay linear and superficial.
So when we prepare to engage in an empowering conversation,
whether at work or at home, there are some steps to consider before taking the
plunge.
1. Recognize
your feelings around the topic or issue but leave your ego at the door. Get clear as to exactly what it is you’re
feeling…”I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’m feeling unappreciated, I’m feeling
invisible, I’m feeling powerless”. Using
the personal pronoun “I” in stating how you feel will help you to take
responsibility for your feelings. If you
are having difficulty separating your feelings from the other person’s
behavior, you’re not ready to talk!
2.
What is the intent or the object of the
conversation you’re considering having?
How can you move forward toward a solution to the issue or challenge and
honor the person, the relationship and yourself? Stay away from needing to be RIGHT. Stay focused on the highest intent of the
conversation.
3.
Interestingly enough, the right time to have
the conversation isn’t when you perceive the other person is ready to hear
it. Rather, it’s when you are clear with
steps 1 and 2.
4.
Speak to the possibilities by giving voice
to moving forward from a place of integrity, confidence and courage. Keep it positive and solution driven, not
accusatory or judgmental.
I’ve experienced the amazing transformation that takes place
when these steps are taken before initiating a difficult conversation. Shifting your mind-set from “power and
dominance” to “empower and honor” can go a long way when soliciting
the support you need in order to bring about change.
